March 4th: This week has been so long, but really good. I feel so happy being single and not having to stress what Chris is thinking or feeling. I still care for him and all but I really just see us as staying friends. This week he sent me a message on facebook and now we are just talking that way and on Tuesday we had a wolleyball game. It was so intense, but they lost. They still have another chance to be champions! After the game, Chris and I went to the library to study, it was just like normal. Ty in my ASL class, I think he likes me. Ever since he heard I broke up he has been showing interest. We even went and got ice cream on Monday, which Heath saw me with him in the car! he he oh well! I am really curious what and how Chris is feeling with me! This weekend him, marcy, and his roommates are going to Chris's home. I hope they have fun. I am going home as well. Dad is picking me up tomorrow and I will stay there until Sunday, then go up to Beckie's for Britt's B- day .
March 13th: This week has been a good long week. I have had two tests - History of Creativity, which I
feel like I did pretty good, but I know that I at least missed 3, and Biology which I really feel like
I got a 100% ... I Really hope so. With my arm, I will hopefully see the doctor on Monday. I really can not wait to play sports. This week has been kind of funny with Chris though. I have seen him every day this week and we aren't even dating. I have done more now than we would when we were dating, and he flits with me more now too. He is Really confusing. Even Mary agrees with me, but I have decided not to let it get to me. I made personal goals: Have the attitude " I don't Care, Don't over analyze it , Don't think deeper than necessary, Don't worry if he still likes me it's just more fun this way, Just go about with my own plans, Play hard to get - Don't let him hold my hand or even Kiss me any time soon, set my own rules ahead of time when I am going to leave, Don't wait for him to to decide what my plans are, Be Strong and independent, and last of all Just Don't Be A Girl"! Having those in mind, life is so much more enjoyable. On Monday I invited him to go to the library to study, which I am not going to be that forward next week. It was fun though. Tuesday I saw him studying in the LRC and studied with him. Wednesday he saw me in the LRC and studied with me and also that night we had our wolleyball game, which they won. Thursday they had another wolleyball game for the championships, they lost. Afterwards we went to their apartment and Chris was flirting with me like none other. He even drove me home on the motor bike, very fun but cold ... Shhh don't tell Dad! Friday I slept in then Mary came with me and we went to the football stadiums and I ran 10 sets. I about died, my legs we already sore from the practice before. Now my butt kills! Later that night Mary and I were So hyper, we had a blast screaming into the computer
and taking pictures. I love Mary So much. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time!
Later that night though, Chris and Marcie came over. We talked for a while then we went to Heath's soccer game, then back to their apartment. We listened to the b-ball game and then watched "over the hedge " Again Chris was silly, Mary and Heath were on one coach and Marcie and Chris were on the other, and I was on the love sac. Chris got up and went to his room and when he came back he laid by me ... I totally think that he really likes the still. He eventually asked if I wanted a blanket and then went to get one, but Mary and I decided to leave. Makes me wonder if I would have stayed if he would have tried to make a move. Chris offered us a ride home but I said no we'll walk. Then Marcie said she was leaving and offered us a ride, so we took it! Chris was the one to say good bye to me and then we left. When we got back to our apartment Heath sent Mary a text asking her to go to a movie with him she said yes. I was so curious if Chris would ask me. This morning Chris sent me a text!! -"Hey you a wake?"Yes sir!! What's up ? " " Do you have plans tonight ? " " I have tentative plans but I will let you know when I know for sure . "Why ? " "Because I got tickets to See Blindside, Heath is taking Mary she probably told ya and I would like you to come with me? "" OK, we'll I will let you know later! ""How much later? ha ha its for nine " I have tickets already, it's playing at BYU. " " In the next few hours I'll get back to you" " Oki doki thanks" Oh man! I am totally going, I'm just waiting till like 3 to tell him that my other plans didn't work out! Gotta play the game. I don't want him to think that I am just going to drop everything to do something with him. Yes I am being a brat, but I think that it is necessary. Yay, I am excited!
March 14th: I had a lot of fun last night. Before my date with Chris I went shopping for a new outfit. When I got back I put on my new outfit and went with Chris, Mary, and Heath to go watch "Blind Side" Such a Good Movie! Chris is being so funny. I really think that his whole commitment problem is just in his head because he flirts with me more that he did when we were " Dating"! It was funny last night when he was introducing me to his friend, he started rubbing my shoulders .. as if I was his girl. Confusing boy! Oh well, I think that it is all kind of funny. He told me to take it easy once I get my brace off and he even picked me up when we were having a little snow ball fight. So I am pretty sure that he still likes me, he just doesn't like the commitment. Today I was able to go to Mary's house with my other roommates for a Sunday dinner and got some fun cute roommate pictures! This week I am going to play the game. I hopefully won't see him, so he can decide if he really wants me or not. I am going to wait for him to send me the first anything - message or text on facebook. Hopefully he does before Friday so I can invite him to go running the stadium with me. This week is going to be so busy though, I have so much studying, and I have a quiz and a test. Tomorrow I have FHE and will hopefully get to see the doctor for my arm. Tuesday I am going on a girls night with Jessica. It will be a fun exciting week.
a nap, then went to the volleyball game with Mary, Steven, and Chris Lee (guys in my ward). Such a good game, I got a T-shirt, got a picture with Cosmo, and Mary won a DUD player. After the game we had a waffle party, and then watched "Mall Cop"" I didn't get to bed until 2 am that night.
Saturday I slept in until 11, cleaned the apartment, then Chris came and got me to go to the track. At the track we threw the Javelin. After throwing we wrestled again, very fun, then he took me to Shelly's to get things for Daniel's proposal dinner. We ended up eating lunch there. Once I got to my apartment I had to rush to get myself ready for my date and things ready for Daniel's dinner. After I had everything ready I went out on a date with Ty from my ASL class. It was quite funny when we found out that we were unplanned matching! We went to Tucanos and then came back to serve Daniel and Jessica for the Proposal dinner. Jessica and Daniel are so cute! It was so fun doing the dinner for them. And I got to keep the left overs...Yay, Cheesecake Yum!! I left with Ty before they proposed, I got some good pictures!! That would have been so embarrassing to be there when he proposed. Everything went to well! We then left and went to Comedy Sports! It was a very fun but long day. I don't know what to thing about Chris though! I still like him but definitely not ready to let him full on back yet! I am not even sure if I want a relationship at this time. We'll see, it's is fun to just be dating again!
March 26th: This week has been really good and nice and easy compared to last week . I have kept myself fairly busy. Last night I was chatting with Chris on facebook and it sounded like he has been stressed and upset with his tests, so I told him that we have cake that he should come and eat. So he showed up around 10 ish and it went really well. He looked super- tired. Oh and before hand I had talked to Marla and Mary, they both said that I need to ask him "what's up with us?" ... I almost backed out on doing that. We ate cake and talked. I found out that him and Natali (the girl we met last Wednesday playing basketball) went on a date. It really took me off guard, she has been the forward one, she brought the brownies and more. He said that it was mutual on who asked who. They just watched the basketball game on TV for their date. He said that there were no sparks. It made me more jealous than I thought it would. I have wanted him to go on dates so he can find out for himself if there is anyone that he likes just as much as me, but I wasn't expecting to feel almost hate towards her. I told him about my date with Ty and my crazy story about my stocker, which was So creepy! He told me his story, his dream that I was in. Then I finally got the courage to ask him what we are doing. I told him that I just need to know. He asked "has it occurred to you that I just do not know? I still like you, but I really haven't gotten any kind of answer." That was funny to me, because it has been the exact same with me. I really feel like we could get back together. Maybe it is not the right timing for us. Makes me wonder if it will ever be the right timing with us. Anyway I told him " Oh well that's good to know, I feel like we are both just starting over, just going with the flow". He agreed to that. He then asked me if I wanted to go for a ride on the motor bike, so we did! The ride was fun, but extremely cold. We talked, and he told me how he would have invited me to go to his family trip with him to Moab, but he had done that last year to a girl he was pretty serious with and just didn't have as much fun with her there and just wanted to be with his family. I had no problem with that, it surprised me that he even considered taking me. When we got to my apartment and he came in and we talked a little more. I teased him at one point and he came over to like tackle me but I stoped him. Usually I would play back but I just don't want to be so easy. We then gave each other a hug. ..The hug brought back all the memories, it was the kind of hug that he would give all the time, especially before we would kiss - The linger hug.... He even had the look that's he would have before the kiss. I pulled him away and for a second I thought he was going in for the kiss, but I pushed him away. What if we would have kissed?! I want to, but It has to be for the right reasons for both of us! Man I miss that boy, dang it!.
I really do still like him. I have been trying not to because it is easier that way. I don't know what's going to happen with us. I think the Summer will tell a lot when I am not even around because of track. I just really hope that he won't get another girl friend. But I guess that if he did, I would know to move on that he isn't the one for me. Blah, I don't know what to think of it all. I just have to keep going about with my own business. Jessica just came by to give me a thank you card and to say thanks for helping Daniel with the whole proposal. She almost started crying I think. She is a wonderful girl. She then asked me to be her brides maid!! I am so excited for their happy day! After she left I went to the football stadium again to run up 10 times. Afterwards I studied and went to bed!
March 30th: Being home over the weekend was so good. I got to talk to my family and on Sunday I fasted and prayed of what I should do about Chris. After talking to my family, I knew exactly what I need to do. Knowing did not make it any easier, I knew that I had to break it off completely with him and move on. It really hurt because I still liked him. On Sunday when I got back to my apartment, Chris came by and we walked to his apartment and then got in his car to go for a ride. I think that he knew what was coming. We went for about a two hour drive, about getting ourselves lost but it was really good, we talked the whole time. At first I was really nervous, but things just started to flow and we talked about everything. He said about the whole commitment problem that he isn't afraid of spending time with the girl, just afraid of the break up and doesn't want the girls heart broken ... or his . I told him that what he was doing now to me is worse than the break up, at least the break up is a quick. He also said that in every relationship that he has been in the girls have always liked him more than he has liked them. (Ugh I was just the same as his other girl friends), I tried to figure out why, and found the he doesn't put a 100% heart into relationships. That really bothered me. I do not want to be in a relationship where I like him more than what he likes me and where I am putting everything into it and he isn't. I told him that too. He just wasn't sure what he wanted to do with us. I asked him if he would be ok with taking the chance of loosing me by dating other people, because he wanted to keep dating other girls comparing them to me and keep coming back to me. I told him that wasn't being fare to me, I don't want to be pulled behind, jerked back and forth. I either wanted to be full on dating again or break off completely so I could move on. I don't think he liked what I said. He really didn't say much to my question about losing me. I knew right then that this wasn't going to keep progressing. I really think that all of this was so good, not just for me but even more so for him. I told him at the end that I want to break up completely and told him to please not call me or send me any messages, because it would be too hard for me to move on. I know that it was hard for him to hear and I didn't like doing it either but it was good for him. I don't think that he has ever had a girl break up with him before. He walked me to my door, we then gave each other a hug, which I didn't want to let go, It was a bye forever hug. He did ask me if there was a possibility of getting back together in the future, I said yes, but he would definitely have had to change from all that we have talked about. I really do hope that he learns from all of this, otherwise he will never get married. Once he left, it was hard, I cried for a few minutes and talked it out to Marry. I felt like I had finally done what I needed to do. Now I can move on, focus on school and track, which I am so excited for this Friday's track meet. Oh and I have a date with TY tomorrow. I am excited, but I just see Ty as a friend and that is all I want it to be. I am sick of relationships and don't want to be in another one for a long time!
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