February 2nd: Sunday was such a good day! After church Daniel, Chris, and I drove up to Becky's house for Jaden's birthday. I was so glad that Chris came a long. I really think that my family enjoys having him there.
On the way back we just talked the whole time and once we got to my apartment, we talked more. I even let him read the part in my journal where we first met. I forgot to put that I totally faced washed him! haha After he read it I made him tell me what he thought about me when he first met me. He said that I was very pretty and it was as if we had known each other before because of how well we were able to talk and such. He also said that he was surprised how I went to their apartment and that I was very trusting. He told me that when we first kissed he was actually really nervous, and now that I think about it I do remember him being a little shaky. He is such a good guy. Later that night we walked part way to his place together. He told me that he only made out with the one girl before his mission and since then he hasn't. He said that it is more special and doesn't want to do it, I appreciated that. He also told me that I am a good kisser all except for my first one. He said that the first time I didn't even pucker my lips! I guess now, it just comes naturally! haha Yesterday (Monday), I got my results back from the MRI. I have tendonitis, and a tendon is partially torn, probably has been like that since high school. I am not to throw or anything like that for another couple of weeks. I can't wait to start throwing again. Last night I went to the library again with Chris. I love being with Chris though, even if it is just doing homework. I have so much fun with him. We will probably go again tonight. Oh, also I am now helping teach Megan how to throw the Javelin. I love coaching! I want to in about 3 years from now go back to my high school and coach.
February 3rd: Last night I was so tired, cranky, moody, and stressed! I felt bad that Chris was with me and had to put up with it all. We went to the basketball game and it was fun and all but that is when I started getting tired. It didn't help at all when Chris would tease me about my arm and kept giving me a hard time, I was already so frustrated with it all! By the time I got to my apartment, I was just ready to go to bed. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't I was too exhausted! Today has been a better day. I went to practice but remembered that it is cross training day, so I went and slept on the love sack from 8:30 - 10:15. I slept so good, I was out cold. Afterwards I felt so much better. I went to weightlifting and then went to Book of Mormon. I love that class. Now I am in the library studying next to Drew and his roommates. I was looking for Mary but couldn't find her and Drew invited me to sit with them. Pretty much the rest of the day I just studied and did homework, I didn't even see Chris I did however talked to my dad for like an hour. He is a Good Dad.
February 4th: Today has been good so far. Instead of a normal practice Julie, Ally, and another girl from the track team played basketball. After practice I just have done my normal routine of icing my arm, getting dressed and ready, eating lunch, and going to biology. Now I am just in the library studying, but later I will be going to my other classes and taking a test. Hopefully I will get to see Chris today. Chris earlier sent a message that said, "Good luck on your test sweet checks! Just pray and relax and you'll
do great!" He is so cute and nice!
February 8th: Friday I slept in until 11 and then cleaned a little, then went to Golden Coral with my Dad, Deric, and Daniel. It was so much fun, we were all hyper too, Good Times! My dad then took us shopping which I thought we were going to get kicked out of sam's Club. he he When I got back I went and ran 2 miles then took a shower and went on a girls night with Mary. We went and got costa vida and snuck it in to the theatre. We watched "When in Rome ". It was so much fun with her. Afterwards we played a trick on the guys apartment, switching their furniture around. It was so funny to see their reaction, but Daniel ended up scaring the day lights out of us. Saturday I went with Jenell up to Salt Lake to pick up a dog. The whole time in the care we practically just talked about Chris. When I got back, Chris came over to eat while I got ready. I got ready So fast, I took like a five min. shower too! We then left to meet up with a group to go on a date. Drew was visiting so it was exciting. We went miniature golfing, then got ice cream, and then went to a friend's house to watch a movie. I ended up falling asleep. I was so out, I was even twitching. Sunday was the best. After church I went to Chris's grandma's house, which Chris didn't tell me until we were about there that a lot of his family was going to be there. I think he was afraid that I wouldn't go or something. His family is really nice and fun, but I don't know if Chris's sister really liked me. She didn't hardly say one word to me. I think She was very nice and pretty though. The whole time we
were there, Chris hardly touched me or even talked to me. That was kind of weird, oh well. Afterwards however he sure did. The way home we talked lot, it was good and when we got to his apartment he was really touchy and lovely. I think he was just nervous to show me to some of his family and afterwards was just way happy with how it all went! Silly boy! He gave me the best kiss, well several kisses when he dropped me off home! I loved it! Today has been stressful. All day my internet has not been working good and then I couldn't do my home work very well. Later Dustin, my trainer, told me to go meet with the doctor. While I was there they put my arm in this brace and told me that I need to wear it all the time and not throw for 6 weeks. I got home and cried. I was so frustrated. It is stupid, I can't bend my arm or straighten it hardly. I was all ready stressed out for ASL but now I am even more because this brace makes
it so I can't do some signs. Now I am going to go to the library with Chris to study and probably
vent to him, which is all I need right now is sincere love and sympathy and a listening ear. Hopefully he will do just that. I want to throw the javelin so bad and play all other sports right now without hurting!
February 9th: So far today hasn't been my best day, but I am trying to have a positive attitude. At practice
this morning the coach and my trainer told me that they don't want me to play volleyball or basketball at
all for 6 weeks. Wow, let's just take all my fun out of my life. OK I am not bitter, just a little frustrated.
So instead I am going to work my butt off, doing lots of stairs and sprints etc. Hopefully my elbow
won't give me problems after this. After my classes and a test I then went to go to wolleyball. I had to just sit and watch because I wasn't allowed to play. It was way harder than I thought it would be to just sit there and watch....at least we won!
February 16th: On Saturday, Chris and I celebrated Valentines day. He took me out to dinner to Blue Lemon and then we went to play broom Hockey, which I just watched because of my arm, but it was fun watching him play. Afterwards he told me that he felt bad having me just watch. Afterwards we went to the store and bought ice cream and went back to his apartment and watched a movie while we ate it. He gave me the cutest card too. I really liked, I just hope that he really meant it. When be took me to my place I gave him my gifts - Oreos, a gatorade, and a spray bottle to represent rain. With the Spray bottle, we sprayed it and then I gave him a 100% Kiss...We have had a joke to someday be able to kiss in the rain! Sunday I made 3 dozen cookies for the woman in the word but then my president came over and told me that she forget to tell me that we weren't doing that. So I took a plate to Heath's brothers house that night when we went there to eat. That was really fun. But again, Chris kind of avoided me. I don't know why he does that around family or friend's family. However, Jamie, Heaths' sister in-law who is so funny, embarrassed me so good. She said that she thinks Chris and I are a perfect couple and that she could definitely see this going farther. Monday I went home, which was so nice. It would have been better if Chris was there with me but he stayed with Drew. I came back late that night and stopped by to see Chris and Drew before Drew left. It was kind of weird, I missed Chris, a lot! I just hope that he feels the same about me. Tonight I am going with Chris to the library. It is kind of stupid, but I am so excited to see him and just be with him, even if we are just studying.
February 17th: Once I got to practice, all I did was abs and run 11 sets of stairs. I then went to
weightlifting and worked my legs and my left arm. Later I iced my arm while soaking in the ice bath, then I got ready for class. After all my classes I went and figured out my spring semester classes and scholarship. I am going to take ASL and Marriage and family. I am excited. Also I only have to wear the brace for five more weeks, Yay!! I am so sick of it, mainly not being able to play sports.
February 21st: All last week I had a lot of up and down emotions. Mainly not knowing if Chris likes me anymore. This last week was just crazy, Chris wasn't showing me attention like he normally does, he was being distant. I did however found out that he has been extremely stressed this last week with school and I haven't been any help! I have texted way too much and distracted him. I just wish he would have communicated that to me sooner. He kind of stinks at communication. Thursday night Chris apologized for being a bum. Friday I asked Chris out on a date with Deric and Elise to " Color Me Mine ". It was lots of fun and I think that Chris really enjoyed it. I made him dinner before we left and told him that he has to just relax and have fun. I was trying to help him be lesses stressed! Chris made me a turtle penny bank, and I made him a Grumpy mug (because he has been somewhat grumpy...maybe not the nicest thing haha but I was trying to tease him and have it be a joke). Afterwards we just went to my apartment and just talked the whole time.
Saturday both of us just did our own thing all day. I studied and stayed at my apartment. I Really wanted to see him and be with him. Luckily he called me at 10:30 pm and wanted to be with me. So he said he would come get me on Drew's motor bike. When he said that, I got so nervous but excited. However, it was too cold for it to start so he just came and got me in his car. We went to his apartment and we cuddled, and flirted like crazy ... and Kissed!! At 12 we left to take me home. When we got to my apartment we played some more and had a snowball fight. We wrestled ... of course he won, I tried though, When we finally got to the door he kissed me, more than just once ... They were awesome!! It kind of surprised how good it was. Just completely made my whole week!
February 27th: I know that it has been a while, but this week has been the biggest roller coaster ride Ever!! With School, my arm, but mainly with Chris. I just don't understand...One minute things are more than great and I feel like I am on top of the world and then the next minute I feel like Chris doesn't like me anymore and he is on the verge of breaking up with me! What is going on!?! This whole week I couldn't tell what he was thinking and it was almost like he doesn't like me as much as I like him. Today we hung out and it was so weird the entire time. He didn't hold my hand walking to my door like we always have and he almost didn't give me a Kiss, and when he did kiss me, it was weird like we were saying bye (permanently). When I got inside I was so confused and stressed. I ended up calling him and he said there was things on his mind that we had to talk about. This whole week I have had the feeling that he might break up with me. He is such a good guy and I know that he is very close to the Lord. Talking tonight was really good and bad, we both shared everything that we have been feeling. The whole time, I felt like I knew what the results were, but I kept it all in and was understanding and reasonable. He confused me
a lot when he was sharing his feelings. Because he said that he knows that he has to think about marriage and that the prophet's have all talked about it. Then he would go on as if he was going to propose, but then he would say that the timing just wasn't right or something and that he really just likes being alone. In my mind I was thinking, What the heck, we have never even talked about marriage. I thought things were just good and we were having fun, but I guess he was thinking more about the future of where our relationship was headed. He continued on to say that there has been a lot of unsurety, he didn't know what to think. The lord hasn't given him a definite Yes or No either. We are both really busy and are going to get busier. He said that he really likes me and wants to keep being my friend and talk and know what's happening in my life. That was really hard for me to hear because I really like him. I am thinking, really!?! But if we aren't going to keep dating , I don't know how easy it is going to be for me to just be his friend with the feelings that I have for him right now. Ugh this sucks! I do agree that maybe the timing is just off for marriage, but I haven't even talked about marriage...Why are we doing this!? But it seems like we
are going to take a step back for a couple of weeks and just be friends, date other people and see
how we feel after that. Either we will just stay that way with just being friends or maybe down the future
we will get back together. I don't know and neither does he, that is why we are doing two weeks. Whatever we end up doing, we both want to stay each others friends, it is just hard because I really like him. But
I know that we are both in tune with the spirit and this is what needs to be done...Things will work out the way it should be! I am just trying really hard to be understanding and mature with this whole conversation Our whole relationship I haven't had any regrets. I just really don't know how easy it is going to be for me to date other guys, because I still don't want to. Tomorrow I am still going to the basketball game with them, but I really am not sure what or how I am supposed to be like around him. Giving him a hug tonight was so hard, I didn't want to let go. But we said our good byes and then I went in and way finally able to let it go. Emotion wise, this week has been the worst. I even ran 10 stadiums today because of school and him, now I feel like I need to go again (the football stadium has been my refuge place to be alone). Tomorrow though, I am going to go do baptisms for the dead with Shelli and her kids, that will be so good. This is me trying to convince myself that this is all for the best: Maybe Chris isn't the right one, and even though it is hard, I have learned a lot I love how spiritual and such a good guy he is. We will see what happens. I just tried to be the most understanding person ever while talking to him, and I was. It is just all Really hard. Well it is 3:36 right now, I probably will cry some more then go to bed and hopefully feel a lot better in the morning. I don't know if I am excited to see him tomorrow.. I just really want to go home. I want my mom. I am so sick of Boys and School, I wish I was home. I think that I am making myself sick. I have never cried as much as I have this week and I even got a bloody nose tonight while crying.
Today has been ok. I woke up this morning at 8 crying more.. I got like 3 hours of sleep. I cried and talked on the phone from 8 to 11:00 a.m. with Marla and then mom. It felt so good to just talk everything out. Later I went with Chris to the b-ball game. It went surprisingly well with him, it was like as if nothing happened. We talked, laughed, and even flirted more that what we have recently. Man, you are driving me nuts...literally! I think that is just how our friendship is going to be like from here on out. I don't know. Maybe I just need to go home and have some space from him to think! Later tonight I went with shelly to the Temple to do baptisms for the dead. I had the biggest feeling yesterday to call her and ask her if she would want to go with me. I don't know if it was more needed for her or me. It went so well, I had the most peaceful feeling about everything and have felt like there is a guy out there who is even better for me and that things would just work out and be ok! I just feel confident and ready to face everything. Shelly and I talked the whole time and it was so good to be with her. I definitely want to spend more with her and build our relationship, I feel like she really needs my friendship. I just feel so blessed right now, even though I have been through so much, I feel like it has all been a blessing and things that I have needed to go through and learn from. I talked to my mom again tonight. I love her so much. I just Really love family! They have all been so supportive! I have also felt like I need to work on my relationship with Jessica, since she is most likely going to be my sister in-law. Crazy! I am just so grateful for everything especially the savior. I just pray that I can keep this attitude and confidence. Wish me Luck.
